


Post-it War

by CallingForHeaven



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Eventual Smut, M/M, Phasma Ships It, Post-it Notes, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 09:51:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13587567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallingForHeaven/pseuds/CallingForHeaven
Summary: Kylo wassickof the damn post-its. He couldn’t even see the color yellow without gritting his teeth anymore and he wasn’t Hux’s fucking bitch! He couldn’t just drink all the milk and then ask him to go buy some more like Kylo was some mere errand-boy. Seriously, Hux was so bossy and uptight, did he ever-- relax or something?Hux needed to fuckingchill.





	Post-it War

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redelice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redelice/gifts), [yogurtgun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yogurtgun/gifts).



> Sooooo, the great [Redelice](http://redelicebeta.tumblr.com) was having fun with post-its, yogurtgun suggested a "Modern AU where they're roommates and Kylo sees more post-it notes than he does minutes of Hux. Turns out they get along better when they talk in person" aaaaaand I just _had_ to grab the idea and write something with it.
> 
> So this fic is for them and thank you Redelice for beta reading this pile of crap! <3
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy reading this!
> 
> I'm on [TUMBLR](http://moonyspileoftrash.tumblr.com) !

_Ren, could you please do your own dishes? - Hux._

Kylo glared at the ridiculous yellow post-it stuck on the counter near the sink and opened the cupboard to retrieve a mug before filling it with coffee. Over the three months Hux and Kylo had been roommates, they had barely seen each other. Hux was a student in political science and he spent all his time in class or at the library. He woke up early and came home late. As for Kylo, he came home from his night shift at the bar when Hux was already asleep and left for work when he was still in class.

Honestly, the fact that they barely saw each other was the main reason why Kylo had jumped on the offer. He didn’t really like socializing and he liked the fact that they didn’t have to make small talk or pretend to get along. Hux needed a roommate to help him pay the rent and Kylo would have been forced to live in a cupboard if he hadn’t found Hux’s offer. It was practical, they didn’t need to become friends.

Which was probably a good thing considering how much Hux’s stupid post-its got on his nerves. Kylo understood, really. He was a bit messy and sometimes - alright, often - forgot to do his chores. But did Hux always have to point it out in this awfully condescending tone?

He was seriously the worst.

Still scowling, Kylo made his way towards the fridge and froze when he saw another familiar yellow paper stuck on the door.

_We’re out of milk, could you please buy some? - Hux._

Okay.

Kylo was _sick_ of the damn post-its. He couldn’t even see the color yellow without gritting his teeth anymore and he wasn’t Hux’s fucking bitch! He couldn’t just drink all the milk and then ask him to go buy some more like Kylo was some mere errand-boy. Seriously, Hux was so _bossy_ and uptight, did he ever-- relax or something? The notes weren’t exactly aggressive, but they had never been _nice_ either. Sure they were always polite and respectful but honestly? Kylo was pretty sure it was just a facade. He might not have seen his roommate much these past three months, but he remembered the pristine costume, the perfectly slicked-back hair. Hux dressed every fucking day like Kylo’s mother had made him dress for all her stupid galas.

Hux needed to fucking _chill_.

Over the past three months, Kylo had never answered Hux’s post-its, he had always more or less done what the ginger asked of him - after all, he didn’t want Hux to throw him out, he didn’t really have a back up plan - but he was seriously considering leaving a note to tell Hux how much he wanted to punch his stupid face every time he found one of his post-its.

Bad idea.

Kylo always let anger take over in these situations, but even he knew how stupid that would be right now. So he took a deep breath and drank his coffee slowly, hoping it would clear his thoughts a bit.

He just wanted Hux to be a bit less of an asshole. Sure he could just do all his chores in time and stop leaving a mess, but Kylo didn’t trust himself to stick to it for more than a week. Plus, he kinda hated following orders - Hux might say _please_ but his post-its felt like he didn’t take no for an answer so yeah, _orders_.

Sadly, since they barely knew each other, Kylo had no idea what would make Hux act nicer towards him. Okay, what did he know about Hux? Frowning, he grabbed the pad of post-its and a pen, before quickly scribbling down what he was sure of :

_HUX_

  1. _hates when the place is a mess_
  2. _only wears suits_
  3. _is obsessed with his studies_
  4. _drinks more coffee than me_
  5. _can’t cook_
  6. _loves giving orders_



Well, it wasn’t much and Kylo had no idea what he could do with this. Unless--

Okay. Maybe he had an idea.

_____________

Hux dropped his keys on the kitchen counter along with the bag of take-out food he had bought before coming home and walked towards the sink to wash his hands. He was quite satisfied to see that the sink was empty but frowned when he noticed a yellow post-it stuck next to it. Ren usually threw them away so he glanced at it and blinked when he realized that his roommate had actually left him a note.

_Sorry about the dishes, I hope you had a nice day. - R._

What?

The water suddenly turning way too hot for his skin made him jerk away and Hux swore loudly. Annoyed by his own reaction at Ren’s note, Hux turned the water off and dried his hands before glaring at the post-it. What was the meaning of this? Over the three months Ren and Hux had shared the apartment, the other man had _never_ replied to his notes and had always been sloppy at doing what Hux requested of him. But now that he payed attention, he noticed that the sink was cleaner than ever, as if Ren had actually scrubbed it after doing the dishes and Hux was pretty sure that had never happened before either.

Had Ren been struck by lightning? Or been replaced?

Hux scowled and grabbed the post-it, crushed it in his hand and threw it away. He made his way towards the fridge to grab something to drink and froze when he noticed another post-it on the door. He eyed it warily for a moment before actually reading it.

  __  
_I didn’t have time to go grocery shopping_  
_Sorry. - R_

Okay.

This was fine. Of course Hux was disappointed, but it was quite _normal_ of Ren to warn him that he couldn’t buy milk. Well, he had never warned him before, but maybe he had just finally decided to stop being a savage. Hux released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding until now and opened the fridge to grab a beer.

Hux didn’t like change. His life was made of habits, everything had to be in order and getting used to live with someone else had already been quite a challenge for him. Thankfully, their schedule didn’t match at all so Ren and Hux barely saw each other - hence the post-its he used when he needed to tell Ren he was being a bad roommate. But still, it hadn’t been easy, just knowing that he shared this place with someone else was disturbing. And it wasn’t as if he could ignore it, since Ren made it painfully obvious that Hux wasn’t living alone. He didn’t clean after himself, sometimes used Hux’s stuff and snored so loudly the redhead had to buy earplugs in order to get some sleep.

Hux was used to never get a reply from Ren and he was fine with it as long as things were done. So he couldn’t just-- start writing notes too. Definitely not if they were going to be so… so…

Well, so damn _nice._

All things considered, Hux actually did not know all that much about his roommate. He was younger by a few years, worked at a bar downtown. His home would have been a pigsty had Hux not whistled him back and lay down the ground rules. The little glimpses he did catch of his roommate left him wondering if he spent all his free time working out because damn that man was built like a god.

(Which was probably why Hux was being so patient with him if he was being honest.)

But Ren had never seemed like an overly friendly and nice guy. He wasn’t talkative, frowned quite a lot and his dark eyes made him look like he was constantly brooding. So no, he definitely didn’t look like someone who would write such notes to their roommate.

Maybe Ren had had a _very_ good day.

Honestly, Hux didn’t have the time for this. Why did he care so much about his roommate’s mood? It probably just was a one time thing, nothing to worry about. Shaking his head, Hux grabbed his box of take-out noodles and started eating while revising his notes.

_____________

But, it wasn’t just a one time thing.

Ren kept leaving a mess behind him but now, every time Hux left him a post-it to tell him to do the dishes, empty the washer, take out the trash and all those things Ren seemed unable to do without being told, he got a reply.

And it could have been nice to finally get replies from Ren, after all it was the least he could do for being unable to perform simple tasks without Hux nagging at him, but they were _so damn weird._

So weird that Hux was now standing in front of the bathroom sink, toothbrush hanging off his mouth, face flushed, his eyes glued to the post-it stuck on the mirror. He remembered leaving Ren a note telling him to wash the goddam sink after shaving because it was seriously _disgusting_ to come home to such a mess and it was indeed clean this morning but--

_Sorry sir, I’ll be more careful. - R._

Was he _mocking_ him? He definitely was mocking him.

Sir.

_Sir._

Why the hell would Ren call him _sir_ unless he was mocking him? Alright, Hux knew he could be bossy, but he thought he was being quite patient and perfectly polite towards Ren, the things he wrote on his post-its definitely didn’t deserve _mockery_. His roommate’s mess had never managed to anger him as much as this stupid note and Hux brushed his teeth with so much aggressivity he hurt his gums and blood mixed with the toothpaste he spat in the sink.

Hux’s days were so busy he _shouldn’t_ have the time to think about Ren’s notes but they were _haunting_ him and he didn’t know what to think anymore.

( _The detergent you bought smells like shit. - R._

__

_Use mine, I don’t mind sharing with you. - R._

__

_I’m sorry I stole your toothpaste, don’t be mad at me :( - R._

__

_Sir,_

_I ate your last yoghurt._

_But there’s ice cream in the freezer. - R._

__

_The dishes are clean sir, good luck with your final paper! - R._

__

_General,_

_We’re out of toilet paper._

_Can’t go grocery shopping today._

_Hope you’re not already sitting on the throne ;) - R._

__

_I think I broke your coffee machine._

_I’ll buy you a new one._

_Don’t get the whip yet._

_Unless… - R._ )

All those innuendos were just a way for Ren to mess with Hux, he was _sure_ of it. How his roommate knew it would work so well, he had no idea but those notes were driving him up the wall, plaguing him with awful dreams of Ren’s deep voice calling him _Sir_ \- or even ~~better~~ worse, _General -_ so Hux found himself filled with dread as he reluctantly came home from a day spent at the library to work on his final paper.

He really shouldn’t let those stupid post-its get to him so much, it was ridiculous. And he probably should just stop writing notes to Ren, but he wouldn’t have to if his roommate was a bit more _organized._ Technically, Hux _could_ just give up and stop nagging at Ren, it would probably be best for his own sanity, but he couldn’t stand the idea of living in a mess. Plus, Armitage Hux _never_ gave up. He didn’t fail either, so Ren would have to be the one to stop this childish game before Hux decided to throw him out - sadly, he couldn’t do that, he didn’t own the place, but a man could dream.

As he entered the apartment, Hux felt his stomach drop. He could already spot them from here. Stupid yellow post-its _everywhere._ He had started hiding his pad of post-its in his bedroom, but Ren had obviously bought another one - or went through his stuff, but Hux couldn’t picture him resorting to _trespassing._ Even Ren’s handwriting was getting on his nerves. The big, bold letters obviously written with a goddam sharpie took so much space on the small post-its his roommate often had to use _several_ to write his messages and Hux always felt like Ren was _barking_ at him because of how big his handwriting was.

Hux wanted to punch him in the face.

He dropped his keys on the kitchen counter and walked towards the fridge to grab himself a beer because he definitely needed it before going through Ren’s silly notes. But as soon as he opened the fridge, a flash of yellow caught his eye and Hux inhaled sharply. There was a post-it _inside_ the fridge, stuck to a dish.

_I made vegetable lasagnas, I know you only--_

_\-- eat disgusting take-out food so have some leftovers. - R._

This-- _this_ was _too much_. Hux reached for his phone and blindly dialed Phasma’s number.

“Hux? What’s wrong?” she quickly answered and sounded worried. Well, Hux had the bad habit to never call anyone unless it was for an emergency so maybe she had good reasons to be worried.

“ _He cooked for me_ ,” Hux whispered furiously as if he was scared Ren was hiding somewhere in the apartment, spying on him.

“What? Who-- _oh_.”

Yes, he _might_ have ranted about Ren’s weird notes to Phasma.

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Phasma, he--” Hux groaned and read the note to her. “He commented on my eating habits. My roommate who can’t even wash the dishes, _steals_ my toothpaste, leaves hair at the bottom of the bathtub and _forgets to flush the toilet after he’s done peeing_ just _scolded me_ for my eating habits,” he hissed into the phone.

Phasma sighed. Actually _sighed_ and for this, Hux decided that she wasn’t his best friend anymore.

“Hux. First of all, if those are leftovers then he didn’t cook _for you._ Secondly, your eating habits are textbook definition of ‘the worst’. I don’t know how you manage to be so skinny with all the shit you eat. _And finally_ _\--”_ she rose her voice when Hux sputtered that he _wasn’t skinny. She_ was a beast. “--he’s being _nice_. Why don’t you enjoy the home made meal?”

“He’s not being _nice._ He’s toying with me. He’s trying to drive me crazy and--”

“Hux, honey. You _are_ crazy. You’ve just been _crazier_ these past three weeks because your usually silent and discreet roommate is leaving you nice notes to apologize when he forgets to clean up after himself and wish you a good day. He’s being _friendly_ , you do realize this is a perfectly normal thing for a roommate, right?”

“No, Phasma, you don’t _know_ him--”

“Neither do you, Hux.”

“I _swear_ he’s doing this to fuck with me.”

“Or maybe just to fuck you,” Phasma drawled lewdly and Hux choked on his own spit.

“You-- you are the worst, you know that? I hate you.”

“No you don’t. And he’s hot, right? You told me yourself. And from the notes you’ve read to me, he clearly sounds like he’s interested.”

“You know what? I’m never telling you _anything_ again. Actually, I’m ending this call and I’ll go to lunch with Mitaka tomorrow. And you are _not_ invited.”

Phasma’s laugh echoed loudly until he managed to end the call and Hux glared at the stupid lasagnas sitting there in the fridge, _taunting_ him. He’d rather _die_ than eat those lasagnas. The food was probably poisoned anyway. He knew Ren cooked a lot and probably had very healthy eating habits considering all the vegetables that had suddenly started occupying Hux’s fridge after Ren had moved in. But it didn’t mean his food was good and the redhead was still convinced his roommate was actually trying to kill him.

Hux closed the fridge and dialed the number of his favorite pizza delivery, a smug smile on his face. Deciding that he had the time to take a shower while he was waiting for his food, Hux untied his tie and made his way towards the bathroom. He cringed when he realized that _three_ new post-its were waiting for him there, stuck on the shower curtain.

_I’m out of shampoo, had to borrow yours--_

_\--I hope you’re not too angry--_

_\--that I’ll smell like you all day. - R._

Great.

Hux was murdering his roommate tonight.


End file.
